That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
