Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
