Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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