How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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