the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
