that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
