New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
