So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
