It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
