Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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