That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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