dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Couch. On fire.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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