just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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