I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
