Your favorite bartender is back from prision
fuck your aforementioned shoe
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
