and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
