On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
this beer tastes like vomit already
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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