What a fucking waste of an outfit
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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