He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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