i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
