one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
