He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
