I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
