In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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