I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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