So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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