haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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