I seem to have left my pride at pride
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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