Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
