she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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