Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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