I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
