A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Sorry about my life...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
