look no pants
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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