Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
