We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
