You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
