I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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