shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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