What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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