U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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