I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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