how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
