I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
