fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So here I am, sexting at work.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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