the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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