Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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