There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
