either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
