I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
