Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
